Easier said than done, today at least

Today the feeling of isolation and loneliness is overwhelming. I'm just tired. I know that has a lot to do with it. Not everything, but a lot. In Poland the (lack of) language is getting to me. I'm drowning in a sea of speech that sounds quite beautiful but remains incomprehensible to me. People have generally been good. I've managed to get by and do the essentials. Then every now and then there is a man or woman at the supermarket or shop who continues to spout mouthfuls of Polish to me when it's perfectly clear I don't understand a single word. The paranoid in me thinks they're enjoying it, but I'm really not mad at them ... it just makes me feel dumb, ignorant.

So I know, the solution is obvious. I'm at a week long festival where the primary language at events is still English and a large number of people are from the UK. No need to be lonely. Well, I'm finding that easier said than done, especially this week. The conversations I have had have been mainly due to the willingness of others to approach me rather than the other way around.

I find it hard, at the best of times. It's weird, simultaneously wanting to have a conversation and being scared of being consumed by it at the same time. I don't know how many people understand how much energy it takes a person like me to be social. It doesn't come naturally and it takes it out of me. And now in my sleep deprived state I just don't have the strength or courage to brave another attempt at communication not knowing how difficult, easy, rewarding or defeating it will be.

So I put on my headphones. For a little while I'd like to drown out the foreign nouns, adjectives, verbs and replace them with the ones more comfortable and familiar that live on my iPod. I know this isn't going to stop the loneliness, but I suspect that may be a whole other story anyway. One not tied to location or language.