Caledonian Sleeper to Fort William and on to the Isle of Skye

0430 We come to a stop. Edinburgh Waverley. This is where the train will split up. Ironically, the quiet and stillness make getting back to sleep hard and I lay awake. By about 0500 we are off again.

I don’t get properly back to sleep but I think I doze a bit.

0625 It’s light so I peek outside. Wow! Hills and a loch. I discover we’ve just left Glasgow and we’re on our way to the highlands.

I booked breakfast for 0700, so I get up. I can’t work out how to adjust the temp on the shower so it’s a bit brutally cold. Wakes me up though.

0700 Now to find the club car. I was warned it may have moved when the train split. I head towards the front, but that’s the wrong way. Turn around. As I had hoped, it’s very quiet and I have a table waiting. I wanted the more substantial breakfast to keep me going. The views out the club car windows are perfect.

0740 I head back to my cabin to enjoy the view.

I get the usual experience of soaking in the views and taking photos until it becomes predictable. Then after turning away for just a moment you turn around to see something new  and exciting all of the sudden. And usually scramble to get the camera too late.

It’s clearly going to be cooler up here. I change to cargo pants.

1000 Arrive on time. The Jacobite steam train is on platform. That would have been a more fun way to get to Mallaig but they only sell return tickets. Also, the older carriages wouldn’t have much luggage space. The views will be the same on my modern train.

Cool and very light rain. Decide to get out my spray jacket.

Waiting for the train and the station is getting very busy. The advertised train is for Glasgow; could that really be where all these people are headed or will my train be packed? Turns out they are all going to Glasgow! Not sure what to expect for mine.

1212 Train arrives on time. Plenty of luggage rack space.

1245 We cross over the Glenfinnan viaduct

1304 Feeling very tired. Might just need food.

1330 Arrive. Short walk to ferry terminal. I grab a very basic cheese roll just to keep me going.

1400 Waiting to board ferry. Not many foot passengers, mainly cars.

1420 Depart.

1450 Arrive.

Angela is waiting with the car. She is lovely and offers so much information and advice.

1520 I drive off. The car is a red Skoda Fabia. Just the right size for me. Always nervous driving a different car but I get used to it in no time. I drive to Broadford first to get supplies. So many decisions to make.

1616 Shopping done, I head to the cabin. I miss the turn off and have to drive on for a while before I can turn back. Second time ok. The Owners instructions are good and I find it ok. Seems just as I had expected.

1707 Wine time and relax. Been a big day!

2013 I’ve had a good dinner and washed some clothes. Feeling very peaceful here. Quiet with just the feint sounds of wind and sea. What a stark contrast to the last few days.

2044 I’m exhausted! I’ll head up to bed but it’s still so light.

The bed is very comfortable and with the aid of an eye mask I immediately fall asleep.

Arundel Castle and the Caledonian Sleeper to Fort William

0615 Considering the late night, I thought I would sleep more solidly but I didn’t. If I didn’t need to check out this morning and also do something worthwhile with the day, I would try harder to snooze some more. But I decide to get some caffeine in me and get started.

I check the procedure at Euston when I go on the sleeper tonight and discover that they had been disruptions due to flooding. Luckily, they are resolved but that does explain the slight delay I was notified of. Feels like I dodged a bullet.  

0652 Just as I check BBC weather I hear thunder. There’s rain coming through but it should clear by the time I head out.

0700 I head to breakfast.

0900 I think repacking my suitcase goes well, with expansion unzipped. Then I discover an entire cube I missed on my final inspection! Still fitted, but tight. Don’t understand why, because I haven’t bought much yet.  

I transfer more AUD to my money card. Feels like I’m burning through the money quicker than expected. Maybe London was just expensive.

I’ve used the Trainline app to buy my ticket today. Let’s see how this works.

0910 Check-out. Rain has stopped.

0915 Central line from Tottenham Court Road to Oxford Circus then Victoria line to Victoria.

0935 Arrive Victoria station  

The rain and hot trains have made me sweaty again.

1005 Train to Arundel (line to Bognor Regis).

1136 Arrives.

10 min walk to castle. Very impressive view of the castle overlooking the town.

1200 I’m hungry so I start with some lunch. 

1215 I start my way around the castle and keep. It’s cold and almost drizzly outside, so being inside is perfect. The castle is a mix of very old and much more recent (1700s) but all done extremely well with heaps of very friendly and informed guides. The newer part is a current residence of the Earl of Norfolk.

1430 I walk around the grounds and gardens. The sun is trying hard to come out and it’s warmer again. Very beautiful gardens with so many little corners and sitting spaces. Lots of birds and bees.

1525 I sit for a bit. My legs are actually quite sore.

1530 It’s time to make my way back to the station as I might want some more external photos of the castle now the sun is out.

1600 Back at the station. Feeling very sore.

1613 Train departs.

Tickets via the Trainline app worked really well.

1745 Arrive Victoria.

Get Victoria line back to Oxford Circus. I think about walking rest of way to avoid Central line cause I figure it will be busy and hot. But my legs are so sore I figure that’s not a smart idea. And the Central line was really quiet.

1826 I get a salad for dinner.

1835 I pick up my bags and start the walk to Euston. I take it slow and it’s not too bad.

1910 Arrive Euston. I wait outside for 10 min to cool off before heading to the lounge.

1925 Wine time!

2030 It’s time to get to the platform and check-in. That all goes smoothly.

2115 We depart on time.

The train movement is smooth and a little bumpy but in a nice way. Unlike The Canadian, the bed is across the direction of travel which means you don’t feel knocked about. I drift off quickly though not that deeply. But it’s a really lovely experience.

Bletchley Park and Peter Gabriel

I get to sleep quickly and sleep some long stretches.

0330 I wake. I could probably get back to sleep but make the fatal mistake of thinking/worrying about the days plans. Sleep won’t come but I at least rest.

0515 I decide to investigate trains again.

0530 I make myself a coffee and finalise the day. Weather wise, today is the best day for Arundel Castle. My only concern is getting back with enough time to comfortably make it to the concert and have dinner. I realise quick dinner options will be really easy so best to leave that out of the equation. That should mean plenty of time.

0600 After FINALLY making my mind up to go with Arundel today, I go to their website for more information. And I notice they are closed on Mondays! I am SO glad I realised before going. I check the BBC weather for tomorrow and I think that will still work. So I guess I’ll do Bletchley Park today. It’s closer so I can afford a more relaxed pace.

0630 I spend a little time loading pics into Lightroom that I might want to use for the blog.

0700 I go down for breakfast.

0800 I get started on my first blog entry.

0830 Time to head out. Will take Northern line to Euston then train to Bletchley. Northern line is easy and I will take it tomorrow. But I don’t see any lifts. Will need to investigate.

0855 I get to Euston and buy my off-peak ticket thinking that off-peak starts at 0900 but I check and it’s 0930. No big problem. Just a little wait. May as well grab a coffee. The weather is much more pleasant today. Doesn’t feel anywhere as humid.

0956 Train to Bletchley.

1038 Arrive. It’s just a few minutes walk. The visitors fall into 2 groups: oldies like me and noisey annoying school kids.

The museum is fascinating though a little repetitive. I definitely learn more bit it was also a bit beyond me in places. I think there are some missed opportunities to break down the key concepts a bit further, even at the risk of over simplification. By the end I am feeling a bit overloaded. But very glad I came.

1330 I finish with coffee and cake. I think about going to the national museum of computing which is nearby, but discover it’s closed today.

1350 I head back to the station.  A train arrives as I get there.

1435 Arrive euston. I’m thinking of walking to the station with my bags tomorrow instead of navigating the tube, so I walk back to checkout how easy it is and how long it takes. It’s an easy walk and 20 min. Sounds like a plan.

On the train I did some more investigation into local sim/esim as the Optus roaming isn’t that great. EE definitely seem to have the best coverage but they don’t offer an esim. So I go with physical sim instead. Still not sure if it’s the best option. I might not be able to stop the Optus roaming. Time will tell.

1530 I’m back in the hotel with sim installed. Time to chill before heading to the concert.

1545 I’m feeling dozy so decide to try and have a nap. But it’s a trick! Definitely not getting any sleep any time soon.

1705 After a quick shower I decide to head to the O2. I catch the Elizabeth line to Canary Wharf then Jubilee line to North Greenwich. 

1745 The trip goes smoothly and I’m at the venue. I head in to find something to eat. I vividly remember my experience here 10 years ago when anxiety and indecision made choosing somewhere to eat a real challenge. Thankfully this time I take it in my stride and find somewhere (Street Burger) straight away. Phew!

2000 the concert begins around 8pm. It’s amazing. New and old songs nicely integrated. Great musicians as always. And so amazing how Peter constantly acknowledges and promotes his band members and people providing the artwork. One interval and two encores later, it finishes around 1045. Sitting next to a very enthusiastic couple. She decides to sing along at the top of her voice a couple of times. Fortunately only in a couple of songs and she can actually sing.  But really - who does that?

As expected, the crowds back to the tube are insane. But slowly we get there.

1129 I’m on the Elizabeth line.

2400 Bed time.

Around London

0530 slept solid for a couple of hours to 1130 then 1-2 hour blocks for the rest of the night. No real periods of wakefulness and my usual sleep casts did the trick getting me back to sleep quickly until about 0530. It’s light outside and I think that it’s probably ok to stir. The room was nicely cold which helped. The aircon fan is a little noisy but I can usually sleep with a little white noise so shouldn’t be an issue.

My lower back is a little sore. I think the flight really affected it.

0547 I figure out how to get the Nespresso machine to work and make a nice coffee.

0740 I head down for breakfast.

0907 After doing some research I head out towards the design museum. The weather is mild and it’s quiet. Very humid though. I get a huge sense of contentment being back in London. It feels so familiar.

0920 I take the Central line from Tottenham Court Road to Notting Hill Gate then Circle line to Kensington High Street.

0940 Arrive.

I get to the design museum early so I take a stroll in Holland Park which is next to the museum.

1015 I get to the design museum. I have a ticket for the Ai Weiwei exhibition at 1030 so spend some time looking at other exhibits until then.

The Weiwei exhibition is called Making Sense and it’s great. I particularly like the large collections laid out in the floor. And the edges are so straight! So much precision. On one wall is a massive interpretation of Monet’s Waterlillies entirely made out of Lego.

1100 I get a coffee in the museum café before looking at some other exhibits.

It’s nice to feel motivated to do things. It’s also nice to take things slowly. It’s also nice to be in a city where I feel I can find my way around without too much trouble.

1145 I decide to get some food before the next place. Some sushi from wasabi sounds good.

1200 I catch the District line back to Notting Hill Gate. I head to Portobello Road to check out the markets. Lots of people. I find a really interesting antique map shop. Very tempted. Most of the rest of the market is what I expected. Didn’t really want to engage too much  

1240 I make my way to the Museum of Brands. It wasn’t quite as polished as I expected but the collection was amazing. So many items. Saw a few nostalgic items I remember too.

1330 I grab a drink and flapjack from the café before leaving.  By the time I leave, the weather is definitely changing and getting heavier.

1350 Catch Circle line from Ladbroke Grove to Paddington then Elizabeth line to Tottenham Court Road. Have been feeling great this morning but starting to flag now. Will drop things off before heading to V&A.

1410 Arrive.

1430 After dropping off stuff at the hotel I head to Holborn station to catch Piccadilly line to South Kensington. But there are problems with the line and I need to take Central to Notting Hill Gate then take Circle line to South Kensington.  It’s SO hot on the central line!

1557 I’ve spent a little while in the V&A. Some of it just wandering and some in the photography section. I grab a drink in the courtyard just as it starts to lightly rain. I decide it’s time to head back. 

I go back to South Kensington and it’s crazy busy due to the problems on the Piccadilly line. I catch the Circle line with the intention of swapping at Notting Hill Gate but the train is so crowded it’s going to be tricky getting off. Plus I remember how hot the Central line was. So I decide to go on to Paddington and catch the Elizabeth line like I did earlier in the day.

1630 On the way I pass another wasabi and decide on a bento box for dinner. Don’t really feel like a full dinner in the restaurant.

When I get back I realise I forgot to get paracetamol. My back has been sore. So I nip out again back to Boots. It’s steadily drizzling now. Time to use my Muji umbrella!

Today I wasn’t going to need my good camera so I went out bagless. It was a bit of an odd experience in London for me, but very liberating.

I spend some time planning a possible trip to Arundel Castle tomorrow. I realise it will take a while to get there. Will I have enough time?

1930 Cooper Family Chat at a special time as I’m in the UK and we only have two time zones to worry about.

2030 Bed time.

Getting There

It’s time for a new travel adventure. This time I’m heading first to the UK for some family time and some solo exploring. Then I’ll head over to Switzerland for a week or so before flying home. As usual, I’m going to try to journal my adventure here.

I worked hard at limiting my packing to the white suitcase. I think I did really well.

1830 I request taxi expecting it to take a while at this time of the evening but it arrives pretty much straight away. I think I switched everything off. Busy at the airport. Unusually, quite a line even for business. But by 1900 I’m in the lounge and relaxed. 15 degrees in Adelaide. My attempt at adjusting my body clock has included getting up at 5am and having a couple of hours nap in the afternoon. Feeling good at the airport.

2030 I head to international screening but it only takes about 10 min to get through.

2050 I board. B777-300ER seat 3K facing backward. A departure glass of champagne of course. It’s QSuites, so very nice.

2147 Depart.

2151 For dinner I order the turf and surf followed by the barramundi. For breakfast I will have the yoghurt and granola followed by the Spanish omelette.

2310 Starting to get some bumps.

0014 I finish dinner. Very satisfied but very full. It’s been slightly bumpy on and off for the last hour but now we hit a bad spot just for a few minutes. Hopefully better now. Tracking over Simpson desert. It might be the altitude, but it’s surprising how little food fills me up on the plane.

0042 Bed is made but it’s very bumpy. Will see if sleep is possible. I doze for a couple of hours but it was quite bumpy and way too warm. I watch a couple of episodes of The Cleaner (Greg Davies) to try to get tired. After a couple of episodes I try sleep again. It’s much cooler but much bumpier. I settle for a couple more hours of rest but no sleep. As we fly over the tip of India it gets calmer again but my body clock is well and truly telling me it’s morning (Adelaide time). I decide to sit up and watch more of The cleaner until breakfast.

0454 They set up for breakfast. After a restless night, this is always a relief.

Doha Time

0455 We arrive on time. After going through security I get to the atrium. Haven’t seen this before. Nice but humid. I make my way to the lounge to rehydrate. 3 hrs to next flight.

0655 About to board A380 from gate B3. 

0715 Onboard. Another glass of champagne of course. Feeling quite fresh, considering. Will feel better once the cool air starts. 

0755 Departure on time.

0900 Time for breakfast #2. I have the “just breakfast” but forget to take a pic. Very nice though. So far the flight is ultra smooth. After watching the last episode of The Cleaner, I watch the Whitney Houston biopic.

1150 Lunch as we fly over the Black Sea. Carrot and coriander soup followed by baked salmon. Really delicious and I’m stuffed! Feeling a bit tired now, but I think it best to stay awake to sync with London time. Has been smooth the entire trip.

0215 Approaching London on time. Has been light cloud across Europe but thicker now. Last minute holding pattern.

London Time

1322 Arrive T4.

1411 On the Elizabeth line.

1500 Arrive Tottenham Court Road.

I hadn’t realised but there are two Radisson Blu hotels next to each other. I get into the first and it’s actually a bit fancier than I was expecting. They give me a complimentary Prosecco while they find my booking. But my booking was for the other hotel. First thought was that I’d stumbled into the posh one when I was booked into a cheaper one. But the other turns out to be ok and they are offering Prosecco too! The room is nice but tiny. But that’s central London for you. Unlike last year, the neighbourhood around the hotel feels safe and interesting.

After a cleansing shower I head out to find something light for dinner and to do my essentials shopping.

1630 Currently feeling really fresh and awake. It’s quite balmy out. Was 26 today.

I walk past Muji and decide to aimlessly browse but resist buying and leave. Then I remember I was going to get a travel umbrella. Might Muji have one? What a great excuse. And yes, they do. 

I get some refreshments with the aim to have a quiet night in front of the TV to attempt a normal night. The TV helps to wind down and I start to feel tired.

0730 Sleep time.

Instrumental Alchemy

During the production of The Alchemy of Hindsight, there were many times where I needed to focus only on the music. And when I turned off the vocals, I noticed how it allowed the arrangements to shine a little more. The lyrics are a very important part of this album, but I am very aware that my vocal limitations are definitely a weakness. So, I decided to make an instrument-only version of the album for those times when I just want to listen to the music.

The Will - Behind the Song

You may not have the will to die, but can you find the will to live?

A few years ago there was a period where, among other things, I was really struggling to feel the pleasure and hope in life. So, I sought help which made a huge difference. This song is a reflection on those times and an encouragement to the “me” of that moment; look at how far you’ve come and trust that you will go further.

Lyrics

Somewhere down the line the fun stopped being easy
The passion so hard to find
Remote and illusive
Blue sky clouding over
Though you don’t have the will to die
You struggle with the will to live

Break through
There’s a younger you who would be so proud
If he only knew the things you’ve done
Who he’d become
Break through
There’s an older you looking back on now
Feeling gratitude for the man you save
By being brave

Somewhere down the line the bright became an effort
Denying the dim inside
And hope became hollow
Lost faith in tomorrow
You may not have the will to die
But can you find the will to live

Break through…

Waiting for the Fog to Lift - Behind the Song

Don’t get lost in this confusion; what is real and what’s illusion.

This song is not so much about coming out but more about that period of questioning and growing self-awareness that marked the transition. Feeling some things crumbling while other things are finally making sense and coming into focus is a strange and unsettling experience.

Lyrics

So you’re feeling strange, your truth is leaking
Your identity evolving but it feels like it’s dissolving
You’re no longer sure of who or what you’re seeking
(Waiting for the fog to lift)

Don’t get lost in this confusion
What is real and what’s illusion
You will find the way to be true
Learning how to feel the real you

And you fear the fire you feel awaking
That a lifetime of suppression be undone by one obsession
That the burn could get so strong there’s no mistaking
(Waiting for the fog to lift)

Don’t get lost…

Face the fact, there’s no point in denying, this is who you are and it’s no surprise
So, face the fact, too hard to keep on trying to be someone else when it’s just a front
When you kiss him for the first time, it will feel right, it will make sense

Don’t get lost…

You're Weird - Behind the Song

You’re weird. You fear it’s what they’re all thinking of you. It’s true; so why don’t you wear it with pride? Don’t hide, don’t leave any doubt, make it clear. You’re weird.

I’ve always felt a bit weird; out of place. Maybe we all feel that way, but I can only speak for myself. The thing is, the feeling has always been there and I now realise it will never go away. So, maybe it would have been better for me to have embraced it more and worried less about whether others would notice.

Lyrics

It’s the feeling you get when you regret what you let yourself say or do
It’s the way that you think you’re out of sync with the people you see around you
Perpetual doubt, the odd one out, so you try to stay on your guard
Don’t let it drop, the shame might stop but the keeping it up is hard

You’re weird
(You fear) it’s what they’re all thinking of you
(It’s true) so why don’t you wear it with pride?
(Don’t hide) don’t leave any doubt, make it clear
You’re weird

Behaviour is learnt when you get burnt
Every time when you feel the flame
You learn how to hide your stranger side so they won’t notice you’re not the same
You’re in their sight but not quite right
That’s the story inside your head
A word away from exposé so you go it alone instead

You’re weird…

The pictures you paint, relentless restraint
It’s utterly exhausting and ultimately pointless

You’re weird…

Novice Philosopher - Behind the Song

He’ll say what they “need to hear” and sort out their problems. No need for experience; the novice philosopher.

In my late teens-early twenties I can recall having some firm philosophies about life, the universe and everything. Nothing harmful, but these days I would definitely say they were ill-informed. This song is meant to be a playful dig at that younger me who thought he knew so much more about things he really knew nothing about.

Lyrics

He’ll say what they “need to hear” and sort out their problems
No need for experience
The novice philosopher

It’s easy to be an expert
To make a judgement when he hasn’t a clue what it feels like in the moment
But that won’t stop him
He has theory and opinion and correctness telling him what to do
Never mind if he’s never suffered their pain

What the hell makes you think you should be a part of this discussion? Quit it!

He’ll say…

It’s so easy to be perfect and self-righteous when it isn’t his life in the spotlight
No sign of insight in his conviction
And what meaning has him believing that he is helping from his little cocoon?
Giving counsel, his world too narrow to know

What the hell…

But I’m being harsh, his heart’s in the right place, he wants to enlighten
And I know it’s hard but best of intentions aren’t always enough

He’ll say…

You Want to Believe - Behind the Song

There’s belief and there’s acceptance. In time, you’ll learn the difference.

As odd as it sounds to me now, the faith I followed in my younger years was founded on intellectual decisions; hedging my bets on the meaning of life based on what seemed to be the available choices at the time. And for many years I mistook those decisions for belief. It was only when I was forced to confront my faith in my 30s that I learnt a valuable lesson about belief and acceptance. I had accepted so much as truth when deep down - I didn't really believe it at all; I just hadn't taken the time to dig down that deep until then. And at that moment, for me, the “spell” was broken. It was an epiphany that I am very grateful for.

And, as with all of the songs on this album, this is only my experience and not in any way a judgement on the experiences or beliefs of others.

Lyrics

In search of a key to the uncertainty in the world you see around you
The need to control or at least find a soul that could give a sense of purpose
Though something so illogical and mystical could seem the perfect answer
Beware of the trap, emotion turning your back
When your head would serve you better

I know you want to believe, I know you need to believe
But there’s belief and there’s acceptance
In time, you’ll learn the difference

It’s too easy to feel like the spirit is real when you build your world around it
Go along for the ride if you’re willing to hide from the inconvenient questions
I know it can feel wonderful and powerful
And wonderful to swim in those emotions
But maybe your hell is when you’re kidding yourself
On the way to your devotions

I know you want to believe…

There can be comfort in chaos, in not having the answers
In not finding a meaning, in not needing a purpose

I know you want to believe…

The Yearning Years - Behind the Song

For better or for worse, this yearning that you feel will fade.

I vividly recall a period in my late 40s; I was between relationships and keenly felt the absence of having someone in my life. Whether it was real or just a romantic notion, there was a part of me that felt very unfulfilled at that time. The good news, I think, is that age has definitely mellowed those feelings and I believe that I’ve come to a much more balanced viewpoint, for me at least.

Lyrics

Longing for a life you cannot live
Burdened by a gift you cannot give
Feeling like a dam could break
The constant ache of holding back
Feeling like a traveller denied
Hungry for a taste you’ve never tried
Hoping for a chance to be
The man his dreams are waiting for

You won’t forget the yearning years
But time will change your view
You’ll get beyond the lonely tears

Searching for a match to your embrace
Picturing a love you can’t replace
Feeling there’s an empty void
That could be joy in someone’s arms

You won’t forget…

You’re wishing for
Someone to share these
Moments you’ve been holding out for
I know it will get easier
For better or for worse
The yearning that you feel will fade

You won’t forget…

No Words to Say - Behind the Song

Can we deny the decisions of youth? Choices we made in good faith of the future.

Part of the notion of “many lives” relates to feelings, decisions and choices that were heartfelt and honest at the time, but may feel foreign later in life. Does our perspective later in life invalidate what came before? No, I don’t think so. But it can make reconciling different “versions” of yourself challenging to do without tying yourself up in guilt or falling down an endless hole of “what ifs”.

And, I know one of the main lines in this song, “there’s no words to say”, is grammatically incorrect. I know, I know. But it only occurred to me after recording and I honestly couldn’t find anything that worked better for me. So, I made an “artistic” decision to keep it.

Lyrics

With intentions that were right, when every moment was the truth
You didn’t try to tell a lie
It just happened and there’s “no words to say”
Could it have been another way when at the time it was the best?
Was it a path you could avoid?
It just happened and there’s “no words to say”

Is it a lie (is it a lie) if you can’t see the truth?
Shadows can hide what’s inside if we let them
Can we deny (can we deny) the decisions of youth?
Choices we made in good faith of the future

And would you try to change the story were you aware of what could change?
It’s not a plot you can rewrite
It just happened and there’s “no words to say”

Is it a lie…

They Won't Remember - Behind the Song

Don’t let them keep a hold on you for far too long.

In many ways, this song is a companion to “The Boy Who Feels Too Much”. Like many kids, I experienced my fair share of bullying, both direct and indirect and from many different sources. I have encountered some of those same bullies a couple of times later in life and it’s always surprised me how inconsequential their attitudes have been. Very much like “well, what are you holding on to that for?”. And, as much as that may be about them refusing to take responsibility for their own actions, they do have a point. It’s easy to hold on to these things far too long, allowing their impact to be far greater than the event ever was.

And in case it’s not obvious, I purposely wanted the music in the chorus to be a bit too jolly just in order to highlight the disconnect between the different peoples’ experiences.

Lyrics

In the playground he’s a target, separated, isolated
And the same ones, they take turns to try to hurt him ‘cause he’s different
When they scare him it will scar him, fog the memories of his childhood
He’ll let them keep a hold on him for far too long

Then they might meet one day, just for them to say
That they don’t remember anything about it
“How’s life been with you, anyway?”

In the place that should be refuge with the ones who should bring comfort
But the teasing just continues in the guise of building tougher
No intent to understand him, no attempt to look for healing
He’ll let them keep a hold on him for far too long

And they’ll come ‘round one day, and he’ll hear them say
That they don’t remember anything about it
“So, what’s for dinner, anyway?”

Need to realise, it’s just mindless, no excuses, no defences
If they chose to never own it, if they joke or just ignore it
Don’t let them keep a hold on you for far too long

Then they might meet one day…

And they’ll come round one day…


The Boy Who Feels Too Much - Behind the Song

And they say you’re being too emotional. And they say that big boys never cry. But they don’t tell you the price you pay to live a life in this way.

I was a bit of a sensitive child; I often struggled to handle emotions that would suddenly erupt into feelings too big and overwhelming to contain. The people around me tended to treat it as a character flaw; something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. They took the approach that I needed to be toughened up. I still feel their disapproval and disdain. And, it may have been a sign of the times, but nobody seemed interested in actually helping me to harness or live with these emotions. So, instead, I learnt to suppress them. It was only in later life that I came to appreciate how harmful that was.

Lyrics

I can see you there, you’re in tears again
From the words they say and the teasing games
And you feel alone, and it doesn’t help
When you lose control, when you take their bait
Every time the feelings overwhelm you
Every time you’re lost within yourself
Every time the ones who could console you turn away

Don’t believe the things they say (the boy who feels too much)
It’s OK to feel this way
Don’t deny the cry within (the boy who feels too much)
Boys don’t grow by holding in
The boy who feels too much

I can see you there with the ones who shame
When they ought to care but they’re all the same
And they say you’re being too emotional
And they say that big boys never cry
But they don’t tell you the price you pay to live a life in this way

Don’t believe…

If I could be there I would hold you tight
Be the person that you needed
I would tell you it will be alright

Don’t believe…

Don't Turn Your Back - Behind the Song

Don’t turn your back on your other lives. They won’t pull you down; they will make you stronger.

After coming out, I found myself in quite a different world; I needed to forge new connections and relationships to navigate and make a success of this new life. And my old relationships often felt at odds with this new world. And wrongly, I sometimes felt that these worlds and relationships were incompatible; that I had to choose between them. Consequently, I allowed some relationships to wither. I regret that now.

Lyrics

Surrounded by a different world, you’re living in another life
And everything you did before, you see it in a different light

But don’t turn your back on the lives you led
On the dreams you had, or the ones you left
No, don’t turn your back on your other lives
They won’t pull you down, they will make you stronger

The feeling it could fall apart, the worry you won’t feel the same
You feel the need to break away, the only way to make it through

But don’t turn your back…

It’s feeling like another life when, really, it’s a stepping stone

So, don’t turn your back…

Learning Curve - Behind the Song

Here’s a chance to feel what you are made of. Try to keep your nerve; it’s a learning curve.

This song is really a mash-up of two separate experiences.

Firstly, for much of my teens to early adulthood I disguised my avoidance of the things I feared as virtuous choices. Much of it was the fear of losing control and it's hard to remember how much I managed to convince myself otherwise.

And secondly, as a teenager, I had the usual unrealistic view of what "old age" really meant. I vividly recall realising that I would be 38 in the year 2000 and feeling disappointed that I would probably be too "old" to really make the most of the moment; I was spectacularly wrong.

This song is a mix of both of these concepts. A reflection on finding myself in situations I had never expected; and in some cases had actively avoided in the past. And of course, it turned out that there was nothing to be afraid of after all.

Lyrics

From the life he lived, so conservative, the fear of flying
To experiences and the differences he used to hide from
He thought by Y2K, he’d just be old and grey
A life so limited by constructs in his head
But now he’s here today, he’s got new games to play

Welcome to the world you were avoiding
Welcome to the side you tried ignoring
Welcome to the life you were afraid of
Here’s a chance to feel what you are made of
Try to keep your nerve
It’s a learning curve

Now the shoe is put on the other foot
And he’s still walking
Like he knew the words from the things he heard
But now he’s talking
He thought by 38 that it would be too late
He would have seen the best and what was left was less
But now he’s here today, he’s got new games to play

Welcome…

One Day - Behind the Song

It may not seem to mean that much, but one day you will miss this.

I was born in England, but that didn't really mean much to me until I returned there for the first time in 2010. And since then, I've been increasingly drawn to my homeland.

This song was originally going to be an appeal to the younger me still living there who probably took so much for granted. But I quickly realised that the theme of “not realising what you have until it's gone” is so universal that I could apply it to many things in my life and life in general. That's when I decided to take a broader view.

And although it might seem like a depressing viewpoint to share, I'd rather see it as a pragmatic statement of living. We will miss things and there is no avoiding it. But that's OK; we will always have the memories.

Lyrics

The days you didn’t even notice, in ways that didn’t seem important
From the brilliant to the borderline, they’ll wane in time without warning
The games that didn’t feel like playing
Parting ways when you thought that you were staying
In the moment you don’t realise, or recognise any difference

It may not seem to mean that much, but one day you will miss this
Like a goodbye without a touch, one day you will miss it

The love you thought would last forever
The life you thought you’d live together
In the moment it won’t comprehend that things could end indifferently

It may not seem…

Time is not the enemy, hold onto the memory

It may not seem…

The Alchemy of Hindsight - Behind the Album

Album Background

Mid-last year I was starting to feel like making some new music. Then, out of the blue, I got the idea to go away for a few days and treat it as a song writing retreat. I’ve never done anything like that before. Usually, songs have developed over a period of time, so this was going to be very different. Prior to getting there I had decided on a general theme, but that was all.

I booked 5 days for the end of July in a small cottage in the Barossa valley which was a perfect balance of comfort and seclusion. After unpacking my car and setting up the keyboard it was actually a bit daunting to sit down and hope something would happen. I made a list of topics related to my theme and then just picked one to start with. It really was a case of coming up with some words, melodies and chords. And to my relief, most of the time things just flowed. For some topics, I only had a couple of lines and a couple of bars. But I knew that was going to be enough to build something substantial later. In other cases, things flowed so easily that I had most of the song done. By the end of my stay, I had the beginnings of 11 songs. I added two more when I returned home.

On my return, I spent much of the following 6 months working on the album. To do this, I took a more disciplined approach than I think I’ve ever done before. I treated each part of the process as a distinct phase to be completed before going on to the next; writing, demos, production, mixing and mastering. Partly that was due to starting with a clean slate but also, having retired, I have a luxury of time that I’ve never had before. In the studio, my production approach was essentially the same as usual, although I drew on a new suite of Native Instruments plugins to provide the instrumentation and I think this has yielded a slightly different sound for me. As always, vocals were a challenge, but I think I managed to piece together some adequate performances. There are definitely still blemishes that I could remove, but I made a conscious decision to keep my perfectionism in check and not over-edit.

Lyrical Theme

So, what was my theme?

Well, I don’t know if this is a common experience, but I often feel like I've lived many lives. By this I mean I can pick out various times of my life where I embraced quite dramatically different lifestyles or held essentially opposing points of views. This album is my response to that notion and the songs could be viewed as a series of “letters to my former selves”. Some of them are simply observations while others offer support or encouragement to a "younger me".

Writing these songs has also allowed me to step back and reflect on the cumulative impact of all our “lives”. I've grown to accept them as layers; each adding their unique nobbles and crevices to the present version of me.

I settled on the album title “The Alchemy of Hindsight” because the songs do allow me to revisit significant times of my life with the benefit of hindsight, which is a gift I do appreciate. And hindsight has the ability to transform, so I also saw these songs as a kind of personal alchemy.

But I do want to make very clear that these songs are meant to be about me; no-one else. And if I have a go at any viewpoints, I'm only having a go at myself.

Musical Styles

I didn’t approach this album with any musical styles in mind. Instead, as the embryos of each song appeared, I decided to take them in whatever direction felt right. Occasionally, this even involved leaning into styles I don't particularly love. But for each song, I've tried hard to follow where I felt the music was taking me. As result, I've probably ended up with a bit of a mish-mash that's hard to classify, but that doesn't bother me at all.

Technical Notes

As the song writing started outside of my usual studio environment, I recorded the initial ideas and sequences using Cubasis 2 on my iPad. On my return I loaded the MIDI from these sessions into my DAW Reaper where writing, production and mixing was completed. For this album I almost exclusively used instrument plugins from Native Instruments’ Komplete. Notable instruments featuring on this album include:

  • Abbey Road 80s Drummer

  • Abbey Road Modern Drummer

  • Studio Drummer

  • Battery 4

  • FM8

  • Hybrid Keys

  • Massive

  • Massive X

  • Razor

  • Scarbee MM-Bass

  • Scarbee Rickenbacker Bass

  • Session Guitarist - Electric Sunburst

  • Session Guitarist - Strummed Acoustic & Strummed Acoustic 2

  • Session Horns

  • The Grandeur

  • Symphony Series String Ensemble

For effects, I mainly used tools from iZotope along side the RC 24 and RC 48 reverbs from Native Instruments. Key iZotope tools used include:

  • Neutron 3

  • Nectar 3

  • Ozone 9 Advanced

  • Vocal Synth 2

The album was mastered using the standalone Ozone 9 app.

You can listen to the album here…

New Album Coming in April 2022

In July 2021, I spent a few days away by myself in the Barossa Valley. The aim was to start writing material for a brand new album of music. I had an overall theme in mind but nothing else to begin with. That retreat produced the beginnings of 11 songs; some were only a few lines or a few bars while others were almost complete. On my return home, I added two more songs.

Since mid-September, I've been working almost non-stop to turn these fragments into a new album. 12 songs have survived the journey and the album is almost finished.

So, why would a 60 (almost) year old retiree want to spend time pushing himself to create new music? And more importantly, why would he bother sharing the results with the outside world?

The first question is easier to answer. Music has always been my preferred form of self-expression and creativity. At times, it's also been a form of therapy. I finished my last album back in 2018 and last year it felt like it was time to get back into the studio. And, being retired, time was no longer a constraint.

I think the overwhelming motivation was to create a new body of work that I could feel proud of; both technically and creatively. Every single song I've produced over the years has been a progression and I get an immense amount of satisfaction from seeing my personal growth as a song writer, musician, producer and engineer. It's something to feel good about. With this album, I have learnt so much. I’ve acquired new skills and employed new tools and techniques. I’m not sure if it will be apparent to anyone else, but it is to me.

But why bother sharing the album with the outside world? With this album, I’m not pushing any musical boundaries and I’m definitely not riding any musical trends. But I feel it is a competent, heartfelt and honest suite of songs. Still, why share a body of work that will expose my weaknesses and limitations as much as it may demonstrate any artistry or musical growth? These are questions that I’ve really struggled with as the album has neared completion.

I don’t see myself as an entertainer and definitely not as a performer, but as an artist. And, in some respects, a work of art might not be considered truly complete until it has been unveiled. So, that’s how I’m approaching the impending completion of this album. It’s not really going to have a “release”, but rather an “unveiling”.

Of course, I hope that others will find something in these songs; I’d be disingenuous if I pretended otherwise. But over the years, I’ve learnt that it’s far more important for me to feel proud of my work. And I do.

If everything goes to plan, the album should be finished in about a month. I’d love to be able to unveil it on 29 March, but I’m not going to compromise anything to meet a self-imposed deadline. So, I’m conservatively saying it will be finished in April 2022.

Lastly, as a little teaser, the album will probably be titled “The Alchemy of Hindsight” and here is what I expect to be the final track listing:

  1. One Day

  2. Learning Curve

  3. Don’t Turn Your Back

  4. The Boy Who Feels Too Much

  5. They Won’t Remember

  6. No Words to Say

  7. The Yearning Years

  8. You Want to Believe

  9. Novice Philosopher

  10. You’re Weird

  11. Waiting for the Fog to Lift

  12. The Will